Win or die? Eventually I'll do both.

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Name: Sam
How did you find out about the community? If it's through an LJ user, please tell us who it is: Deviantart, actually, browsing all things SoIaF.
Age: 21
Location: Northern Mass., for the next year, anyway.
Occupation: college student (philosophy/english doublemajor)




All About You

1. Describe your ideal house/home. Please go into as much detail as possible, and be sure to include your ideal geographical location in the description!.

Well, I like warmth. My mother has the Montaigne-like theory that people in warm climes accomplish less, though, and I have to agree a little there. Besides, I like some variety, so I'd say some sort of temperate region would be a nice start. If we're talking real-world, I'm a fan of northern Italy. Somewhere with long summers, heat lingering into autumn, and snow in winter (guess I can't specify seasonal length in Westeros, huh?).

As for architecture... well, if I must suffer through cold weather: fireplaces. Fireplaces, and lots of secret passageways to explore. I've always thought a good house, like a good book, ought to be majestic and labyrinthine. When I was a kid I liked to spend time searching out trap doors and so on in my attic. So secret passageways are a must. I like ridiculously baroque architecture, too. Not untastefully ornate, but... wide marble floors, echoing hallways, elaborate metal grilles... columns. Carved wood. Wood and marble are my favorite building materials, anything that will polish to a shine. Turrets! I would also like some turrets and balconies. A lake would be nice, with large carp, I could make puns about the carp. A stable and some horses, for sure. I love horses, though I failed, at a young age, to connect with them on a wide-eyed childishly fatuous level, as girls are supposed to do. Instead I just like to ride them fast. Yes, this may very well be directly analogous to how I treat romantic relationships.

I'd also like some forest around. I'm a fan of wooded areas. There ought to be some good climbing trees and interesting plants. I would say I wanted a rose garden, but that sounds like obvious Tyrell-fishing, doesn't it? I've wanted one for awhile, though I think the scent would get a little cloying eventually. Still, a garden with labyrinthine hedges sounds great. And some roses, okay, we can compromise there. And fruit trees. Damn, I've always wanted to pick my own fruit.

Stained-glass windows somewhere would be nice, too, but in most of the rooms I'd like plenty of light. And I would like some ridiculously comfortable couches and places to curl up. Really comfortable, none of that throw pillow nonsense. Seriously, throw pillows? They're like the small yappy dogs of furniture. Not my thing.

I'd like an intimidatingly large library, too.

Maybe I'm asking a little much here, but you did say ideal.

2. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.

Failure: I grew up in a pretty successful, driven family, so I've always been aware of my parents' high expectations. Going to a 'gifted' school didn't help. I always got a lot of attention for my intelligence; almost as much as I got for my, um, obviously emotional instability. I guess I just feel like I ought to do something special, I worry that I'm not worthwhile if I'm not the best at everything I try... yeah, I worry about being the 'best' a lot. I'm quite competitive, so losing has a special sting. Funny how that works, right? The thing you care most about hurts you most. My brother, on the other hand, had a happy type-B childhood, spent caring more about pleasure than success. Ironically, he may wind up more successful than I am, because he is sane.

I am also afraid of unwitting moral failure. That someday I'll do something horrible and not realize it, or that my conception of the world is wildly skewed.

Death: That may sound stupid, but I spend a lot of time worrying about mortality and the human condition and all that stuff that sounds pretentious when I put it on paper. Honestly, though, I can't help it. It's like a whole emotion--fear-of-death. Sometimes it paralyzes me. Probably a teenaged thing. If so I wish it'd go away. On an intellectual level, though, it's definitely the reason I study philosophy. I could go into that, but I'd like to stop thinking about mortality now. All tied up with the overachievement complex, I'm sure.

I also don't like dead rotting things, though once I get over the initial revulsion I sometimes think they're interesting. Usually they really scare me in a memento mori sort of way. When I was a kid, I used to have dreams about black rot creeping over my vision.

Ridicule: I care a lot about what people think of me, and I don't love being teased. I can take it, and actually I tend to trade insults with the best of them, but real rejection, and people really thinking me pathetic and laughable... stupid, but it definitely bothers me. I thought about putting a more lighthearted fear here, like fear of fish. I am a little afraid of fish. When I'm swimming, I mean, and they're just sort of down there somewhere, waiting, and you don't know what they're doing.

I'd still have carp in my pond, though. I like keeping things I'm afraid of around, it's kind of thrilling. Besides, I'm really only afraid of fish when I'm in the water... and I have gone swimming with sharks anyway, so it's not like it's a crippling phobia. I lack crippling phobias, except the pretty reasonable crippling fear of imminent death.

3. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for? Please be as elaborate as you can. Wishing for more wishes is not permitted!

1-I'd wish for the power to make the best, most clear-sighted decision possible on my second two wishes. Okay, that may not seem plausible, but this is a frickin' genie, okay?

2-I can't really say, since I'm not as enlightened here as I would be if the genie had granted Wish #1. But I'd probably ask for eternal youth. That'd about do it right there.

3-Since eternal youth is pretty fantastic, and I'd feel guilty getting ahead by other means, I should probably use this wish to get something for someone else. But knowing myself, I'd probably just ask for improbable martial arts skills instead. Or intelligence that's meta enough to allow me to admire my own intelligence. See, not enough people can do that.

4. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? Why? You can list more than one if you have trouble deciding. ;)

Surviving my boarding school. Seriously, that place was an intense, boot-camp-like experience, and it was extremely interesting. I won't go into too much detail here, but.. yeah... it was pretty much reform school. I was a troubled child.

Let's see. Accomplishments. Academic accomplishments feel nice, but I wouldn't say I'm proud of them; they're almost my job. Editorship on the college paper halfway through Freshman year was sort of an accomplishment, I guess. I'm always proud when I up my running times or distances or speed. I'm proud of a few things I've written, but I don't like to talk about that much.

I'm often less proud of things that win public accolades than I am of things that don't. I like to brag, but I like to brag about my qualities, not my achievements.

5. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you? Please explain why for each choice.

Love is a completely presumptuous choice of 'most important thing', because I'm not sure I've ever actually felt it in its pure, mature form. (Knowledge is a close second here, by the way). Well, I know I love my family, but you know, that's sort of childish. Maybe if I were in love I would be less irritatingly arch. As, apparently, I am. And, internally, less messed up and cold and sort of superior. I mean, I don't feel superior, but it's a really ingrained defense mechanism.

Money is last on my list of Important Things. Look up at the description of my ideal house and laugh. I probably just feel this way because I've never really wanted for money. I mean, working summers and halftime during the schoolyear makes me appreciate it a lot more (and I loathe working for other people, so uh... yeah...), but I don't think the lesson has sunk in yet. After I graduate this may rapidly become Priority No. 1.

6. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values? Explain.

Most primarily? "It is what it is." That is to say, just live by the reality principle. And then there's this:

"It's time to be alive, really alive. It's time there was a revolt in favor of life and wholeness." --Mark Rampion, from Aldous Huxley's Point Counter Point

Well, for a long time I struggled with this sort of... I guess it's a little Stannis-y! Anyway, this sort of compulsion to run my life based on theory and systems and order. And then I slowly started to realize pleasure is important, but not only pleasure, a really well-rounded human sort of life. Aristotelian moderation, I guess, but with room for passion and excess and effort. I like believing in failure and stupidity so that achievements have real meaning--I hate it when the reality is cushioned out of existence. I've felt that way a lot, what with the sort of cushion of expectations I've always gotten. I mean, standardized test scores shouldn't be this sinecure, but for me they sort of have been, so for awhile it messed me up.

I realize not everyone needs to hear this incitement to humanity. Hey, if simply being human and enjoying it comes easily to you, more power to you. I've always had to struggle with reason versus desire and shame and guilt and judgment and so on, so I need to remind myself of the reality principle. It is what it is. This is the sort of animal I am and this is how to use reason to govern it.

So I try to really live, and really experience things fully and sort of.... I don't know! I just tell myself to 'really live' a lot. All that be-in-the-moment stuff, and this fantastic nonjudgmentality. Embrace an extreme. A moderate extreme. Yeah.

7. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you? Go into as much detail as you can.

I earn it over the summers and spend it slowly over the schoolyear. That's been the pattern so far. At present I'm saving up for postgraduate... whatever I wind up doing. I tend to see money as a mark of achievement, so I don't like it when my balance dips too low, and I keep a good eye on it (in the past I was more reckless, but that's when it was really my parents' money, so...). I'm kind of miserly, not a careless spender (my best friend makes 'Jew' jokes about this, which actually kind of bother me). When I do spend money it is on something big that's really important to me, and I use the amount of money I spent on it to make me appreciate it more: that's what I did with the graphics tablet I bought this summer. Cost me a week's pay, and I used the hell out of that thing and really appreciated it. So I like using money to emphasize real value.

Financial security is important to me because security is important to me in general. I'm a little timid like that, I guess.

I'm also obsessive about paying people back. Not for any really good reason (definitely not because 'A Lannister always pays his debts!'), I just don't want to be seen as a freeloader. I hate owing people things. I have been told this is an outgrowth of my emotional coldness and unwillingness to be beholden to or connected to people. I'm not sure that's inaccurate.

8. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office?

Running. I like running! It's freeing, it doesn't involve undue coordination, and it feels really good. It also gives me some space to think and brainstorm. Second-favorite hobby next to the now-prohibitively-expensive horseback riding.

Writing. There's just something about putting my thoughts down in words, even though I loathe and detest the concept of the journal (self-indulgent!). But essays are fun. Newspaper articles were fun until I was scarred by a year as Arts Editor for the college paper. Stories are fun. Forum-based roleplay is a favorite. I'm way too into it, actually. Damn, I wish there were a really good Song of Ice and Fire-based roleplay board.

Reading. Is this a subset of 'writing'? Too much literary theory, ah. I love to read. Hell, I made it through three of the Song of Ice and Fire books in a weekend.

Live-action roleplay. Yes, I am a dork, but this is f*cking fantastic. I just started this spring, and man oh man. My LARP character is this arrogant drunkard who insults people wildly, flirts with everyone, declares that she is the most attractive, charming thing ever to hit the town (with a healthy dose of rueful self-mockery but an equally healthy dose of honest egoism), and is given to challenging people to duel over her 'honor'. Which doesn't exist. She is also a thief and a coward, so yeah. I think that's because I feel too constrained by my morals in real life. Nice to play a totally uninhibited character. I feel compelled to admit that I insult people and brag a lot in real life, too, but that is mostly in jest. Proving your mettle and honesty, you know? That's what insults do, I think.

Oh, and in live-action roleplay you get to hit people with boffer swords a lot. This is great for me, since I'm kind of a violent person. Repressed, mostly.

Art. I won't say I'm that great, but I enjoy it, and it's calming. And I am pretty talented. Just don't have the time to really dive into it enough to become fantastic. Fun anyway.

9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical). Please answer as fully as you can, as this is an important question.

See, this is hard, because I'm not sure what to do with this. A lot of personality traits are neutral or lean both ways. Introversion or extroversion: is one better? A tendency to be rational or a tendency to be emotional--eh? And then if I put down a good quality like 'intelligence,' you'll all think I'm an ass. Fortunately, you'd be right. Onward.

BEST first (because that's easier)
-I'm principled. I like to think I am really and truly capable of rational moral judgment. I generally see what is right and wrong. Not to say I always do what's right, but I like to think I am clear-headed and independent-minded. See how I just shoehorned three virtues in there under one subheading? Here, have another: my principles make me a good friend, since I believe relationships take effort and act accordingly.
-I'm strong-willed. I do not back down from confrontation and I like fighting for what I believe in. Okay, I just like fighting. Moving right along here...
-I'm modest.
-Joking, joking. Let's see. I'm creative! Yep. Then again, what fan of a fantasy series isn't going to claim this one? I could add that I'm honest, but that goes under the whole principled thing. It is also not strictly and in all cases true.

WORST now (because I have to)
-I'm insecure. In fits and starts. That's probably why I'm arrogant. I struggle with it, it remains. I was born that way. Who knows.
-I'm emotionally needy. I often want validation from approving parental figures and attractive people. Bad. And shallow, too. On the bright side, this does not prevent me from arguing with those I think are wrong. In an endearing way if I still want them to like me.
-I'm lazy. Or maybe I only think I'm lazy. Nonetheless, here it is, five am on a Monday, and I haven't started this paper...





A Song of Ice and Fire Related

1.Who are your favorite three characters in the series? Why?

Tyrion! Tyrion may be an author-insert, but who cares? His psychology is incredibly believable. His witty remarks, sure, come cheap since Martin's writing the setup. But the vulnerability, the need to be loved... it's palpable and quite subtly rendered much of the time. It winds up sort of seeping into every interaction he has, that need. To me, it's also quite clear that his wit is itself another expression of his neediness--the need for pleasant social contact. Sometimes it's a real weakness, that neediness--I mean, Shae was obviously insincere from the first, so I've got to say I was a little disappointed by his blindness there. Strangling the girl was maybe a little excessive, but I'd probably have done the same, so what can I say? And I do admire his wit and perspective. He's sometimes the One Sane Man in nutso Westeros, too, which is nice.

Davos. He's like Ned Stark II, the quietly paternal good guy. I like his phlegmatic wisdom (seriously phlegmatic when he's coughing up a lung there post-stranding) and I've always had a soft spot for characters with missing fingers. Don't ask. Seriously, though, I enjoy the perspective he provides. It's nice and balanced and, dare I say, kinda sane, too. I'm less a fan of the really out-there characters, I suppose, the really flashy ones, the ones who seem a clear product of their genre. It's my thing for the reality principle. I also mention Davos because I wanted one of the Stannis faction. I'd say I like Stannis, but to be honest, I find him kind of ill-rendered. Maybe because he's not a POV-character, it just seems like Martin does too much telling and not enough showing when it comes to his principle, though I was genuinely impressed when he pardoned Davos (less so when he decided to kill everyone with evil magic, including his relatively benign if somewhat daft brother--what the hell?). Telling us again and again that he's got a hard jaw and a brutally-trimmed beard is not really doing the job there, G.R. R.

There are too many characters I like. I like the Hound a lot--I like his cynicism and his seething hatred. Jaime is growing on me; I like arrogant characters who suffer setbacks, and one of my RP characters is a lot like him. However, third favorite character, after some deliberation, is Varys. Varys is so fantastically theatrical it just makes me happy. It'd be a different series without Varys and his ostentatiously effeminate sliminess. I really like that sort of performative character. Varys is fantastic.

I guess Littlefinger is cool, too, though I found his scheming a little unrealistically overblown (it's easy to make a character a brilliant schemer when you're writing the whole cast, which is why I prefer characters who're more limited and flawed or who show their awesome in other ways). And I actually like Theon. Go impulsive characters with realistic flaws!

2.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series? Why?

Cersei. She was more interesting before she became a POV character. Now she's merely a shallow, vain, irritating character who's about ten times more irritating because I've got to listen to how shallow and vain she is. I would like her to die soon. Not due to any moral concern. She just bores me.

Khal Drogo. Man had no visible personality. He was basically a walking mythos for Dany to cart around. Private theory is that she smothered him because she realized, retroactively, that she was never all that into him to begin with, and is much happier to keep him around as an idealized memory.

Lysa Arryn. Apart from the laudable proportion of 'y's in her name, she is a screeching, unhinged caricature of a harpy. Very irritating and very obviously insane. And she simpers. I mean, seriously. The simpering. If she had been slightly less horrible, I might have decided I liked Littlefinger less for pushing her out the Moon Door, not more. As is, that moment rather lost its moral charge. Which is unfortunate, I think, since frickin' Littlefinger is too much adulated in fandom given he's a creepy bastard.

3.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far? Why?

You guys are killing me. This is incredibly difficult. It's probably pages 921-7 in Storm of Swords. I say this because those are the pages missing from my copy, so I can't be sure exactly what happens in them, but they must be fantastic.

In seriousness, it may be any scene with the Hound in it. I'm not sure why, since they're scattered and often understated, but I find his scenes to be the most emotionally-charged without shooting straight for melodrama or glib witticism sound-bites. Tyrion shooting his father was epic, don't get me wrong, but probably not as epic as Sandor's early disclosure to Sansa, or Arya's later decision to spare his life. It's not even that I think him such a well-rounded character; his scenes just meet my emotional-and-picturesque requirement, after a fashion. Of course, picturesque to me is a rough sort of thing. Believable, I guess.

I'd want to say a favorite scene is when Jaime rescues Brienne in the bear pit, but that's such a cutesy and romantic moment for the books, and it feels self-consciously so. I like how there's no instant gratification there, though, despite the absurdly dramatic gesture.

I cannot pick one moment. I give up on this question. I like imagining all the battle scenes. I liked Renly's last conversation with his brother, particularly in light of Stannis's later decision. It sort of resonated with me, since there's that whole 'dutiful and righteous versus pleasure-seeking and laid-back' dynamic--that reminds me of myself and my brother. Erm. Not that I would summon shadow-creatures to kill him or anything.

Forget what you heard here today.

4. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end, and why?

I have absolutely no preference. I'm pretty much along for the ride. I would really prefer it, however, if Jon and Dany did not have some sort of insane Sue/Stu romance. That would annoy the HELL out of me. I really like the series best when it plays down the epic elements and the frickin' destiny elements and all that ridiculousness. At this point I'm far more invested in the realism and integrity of the story as a whole than I am in any of the characters, favorites aside, so I'm not too bothered about character death. By that I mean I'm pretty securely with G.R.R. Martin and his plan, whatever that may be. Long as it's not more magical-children-destiny-blah, because that just... well, damn.

I've also noticed that most of the truly horrible characters have been killed off, Cersei aside, which leaves me feeling oddly rootless, really. I mean, Roose Bolton could bite it, but that old spark is gone. Gregor Clegane and Tywin Lannister, I hardly knew ye. I'm left mainly wanting the really annoying characters to die, which makes me feel uncomfortably meta and aesthetic in my judgments, since some of the most annoying characters are the most morally upright and protagonist-y.

Anyway.

Here's the thing. Westeros does not seem to be a good place for ideals. So an ideal ending would not be ideal.

I'd be kind of amused if Bronn wound up in charge of everything, Littlefinger wound up hoisted on his own petard, and, um, the Tyrells wound up recognized as the next Lannisters and swiftly thwacked with blunt objects to prevent unfortunate repeated history. Would also be cool if there was an epic battle and lots more death. And some romance for Jaime and Brienne would be funny, though I don't wish them a happy ending with that (if Brienne is, spoiler alert, even alive at this point). I do want Cersei and Catelyn to die already (again, in the latter case). And, um, basically I lack any care for the Stark children. Not because they're bad people, I'm just sick of the stupid magical-destiny business. i would like them very much without it, I am sure. For the same reason, I dislike Dany's story, though the girl herself seems cool and all. Just too much flavor of the epic.

Also, Varys should wind up ruling the world.

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