win or die, there is no middle ground

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Name: Kristin, or Canary, or coaldustcanary
How did you find out about the community? If it's through an LJ user, please tell us who it is: Via a post in another community, kushiel_trilogy, by umihebizanomiko.
Age: 28
Location: Indiana
Occupation: PhD student/instructor




All About You

1. Describe your ideal house/home. Please go into as much detail as possible, and be sure to include your ideal geographical location in the description!.

I have a perhaps odd mix of modern and classical tastes. My ideal home would be a spacious flat, optimally in a renovated older building so that there's a modern, open layout, but elements of original architecture - exposed stone or brick, aged wood, brushed or beaten metal. I'm kind of a whore for texture and material, though I'm fond of muted color patterns. (Everything in my bedroom currently, for instance, is in shades of brown and muted green.) In this home I'd probably go for black/gray/white palette, maybe with touches of green or muted metallic blue. I'd need minimal furniture, but a top notch kitchen, quality electronics, and a great setup for my computer - I love my toys very much. My favorite city in the world is Edinburgh, so that's where I'd wish it to be located. I love its mix of history, culture, and architecture. It's a thriving urban center, but it's not far from the sea, or the countryside. I have lived most of my life in rural areas, and generally prefer them, so having an outlet to be able to escape the city is absolutely paramount.

2. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.

A. Failure & the disappointment of others. As my academic advisor once said, "You sometimes fail to act, or end up indecisive, not because you don't care, but because you care too much." I live in constant fear of disappointing the people around me, which is almost funny, considering that I know on a logical level that this is ridiculous. I'm pretty accomplished for being at the point I am in my academic career, and a student in a top-10 program in my field. Most people are very proud of me. Still...

B. Getting old. I'm only 28, but I absolutely fear that I'm letting my life pass me by, or that I wait too long before making decisions, and that by the time I'm at a point in my life to enjoy it to its fullest potential, I'll be past my prime and unable to do so. This also includes finding a partner and having a family, but that's only a small part of it - it's really more the idea that someday I'll be comfortable in my own skin, but that I'll be too old to enjoy it!

C. Loneliness. I'm terrified there's no one out there for me romantically, and that I'm not a good enough friend and the connections I do have with people are either fake or failing. A bit paranoid, to be sure.

3. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for? Please be as elaborate as you can. Wishing for more wishes is not permitted!

First Wish: The ability to successfully find the person in the world with whom I would be most happy in a long term relationship.

Second Wish: Money enough to live in that dream house in Edinburgh, research and write to my heart's content, and throw a lot of money at deserving people and charities.

Third Wish: A completed Song of Ice and Fire. Ahem.

4. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? Why? You can list more than one if you have trouble deciding. ;)

Leaving my comfortable, steady if unfulfilling job to return to academia and pursue my dream of an academic career. It was scary and hard.

5. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you? Please explain why for each choice.

Love is the most important, with Knowledge and Pleasure being up there as well. Still, the fact remains that I'm a hopeless romantic. I love to be loved, and I love loving others. I like to do for others, please them, and know that I'm loved when they do the same in return. The thing I miss most about being in a long-term relationship is the steady constancy of another warm body to sleep with, a shoulder to lean on, and locking gazes with someone whose eyes are as happy as yours. (TOLD YOU, hopeless romantic.) Also, the sex. Ahem.

Adventure is the least important. I aspire to be an academic who wears tweedy clothes and lives in an unchanging little college town for the rest of my life - NOT Indiana Jones.

6. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values? Explain.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

- "What a Good Boy", Barenaked Ladies

This whole song kind of speaks to my alternate determination and insecurities, about my hopes an fears, and my approach to love as a kind of self-sacrifice. (The entirety of the lyrics can be found here for the curious.) I picked these lyrics because they're the most important to me out of the whole song, but it's really the whole package.

7. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you? Go into as much detail as you can.

I don't have a lot of money to manage, currently. As a grad student, my stipend is enough so that I can pay my mortgage, pay utilities, buy food, and then enjoy a movie, or a drink, or a meal out, or a book on a regular basis. I generally take after my parents, who had quite small incomes when I was born, but who have raised up through the ranks with their company to the point where they are now quite well off. They are careful with their finances, but never deny themselves something just to save more money if it brings them enjoyment and can be managed. Among most of my friends, I'm the only one without significant credit card debt. While I was gainfully employed, before returning to academia, I generally chose economies - living with a lot of housemates, even moving back in with my parents - to afford to pay off my car a year early, save money for a downpayment on a condo, and buy furniture for it when I went back to school. I can plan well, but I don't always choose to. My piles of books, DVDs, video games, and computer toys all speak to that. I also probably have spent more than a thousand dollars on gaming books, and a similar amount on perfumes - things that most people would consider ridiculous, but they make me very happy, so they're worth it to me.

8. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office?

I enjoy roleplaying games (Werewolf: the Apocalypse is a particular favorite - an epic, good-versus-evil tale, fighting to save the Earth from destruction and corruption), games on my Playstation, Wii, and computer, knitting (mostly things for other people), cooking (Indian food is a favorite), horseback riding, collecting perfume (Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, for the curious), and taking long drives (I find riding in the car often helps me think through problems for some reason). I also really like trying different teas and coffees - I like my caffeine.

9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical). Please answer as fully as you can, as this is an important question.

My best qualities are,

Intelligence. I've got considerable brainpower and I'm pretty good at using it. I'm perceptive and good at problem solving, whether it's logical or emotional or something else entirely. I'm well-read and well-educated, and I mostly use my powers for good!

Empathy. I've never been entirely sure about this, but my friends insist that I'm very good at knowing how people feel, relating to their problems, and generally being helpful in times of crisis. I'm not a martyr or self-sacrificing to a huge extent, but I put others first a lot.

Dependability. People can count on me to do things. I might not be the nicest person about it. I might go nuts trying to do it. I might fail as I'm trying. But I will at least make the effort, you can count on that.

My worst qualities are,

Procrastination/avoidance. I do this because of my fear of failure, mostly, but I'm often indecisive and self-defeating before I even get started on a project, putting it off and putting it off to avoid my own discomfort. I'm better at the planning than the executing.

Discomfort with social situations. I put off a lot of people because I am awkward in company a lot. I sometimes say too much without thinking, hoping to impress or interest someone before I realize it's the nerves talking. I'm good at listening. I'm good at speaking to an audience in a formal setting. I'm not good at, say, parties.

Dreaminess. I daydream constantly, and I'm not always entirely "there" when people are trying to work with me or talk with me. I like escapism a lot, sometimes when it's really inappropriate.





A Song of Ice and Fire Related

1.Who are your favorite three characters in the series? Why?

Brienne. I'm a helpless romantic, remember? Duty, honor, and hopeless unrequited affection from afar? Yes, please! And as much as it makes the feminist in me shudder in horror, yes, I'm one of those people who hopes that Jaime redeems himself in a sincere way and they end up together somehow. No, I don't actually think it will happen, or it will happen in some horrible, screwed up way (like they actually share a romantic interlude and then Brienne has to kill him) but it doesn't stop me.

Sam. The way he told the story of how he came to the Wall to Jon won my heart from day one. His honesty and his sadness as well as his delight in having friends are very poignant to me.

Tyrion. He makes me laugh, and his wit and cunning in the face of all the abuse he gets continues to impress me.

Honorable mention: Jaime, Sansa, Daenerys, Varys

2.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series? Why?

Ned. (Please put away your sharp instruments.) I understand and greatly admire a lot about the man, but I spent most of A Game of Thrones wanting to kick him in the balls for being so foolish, all for "honor". If it was just him it'd be one thing, but he basically walked into his death and his family's downfall with eyes wide shut.

Lysa. She's a whole mess of unsympathetic and unlikeable crazy.

Robert. "I never wanted to be King." Yeah, yeah, cry more. If he had tried to be a good King and simply failed, I wouldn't hold him in such low esteem, but he didn't even bother trying. He just ignored his responsibilities for fun and frolic.

Dishonorable mention: Stannis, Catelyn

3.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far? Why?

I don't have a single favorite moment. The times I feel the most giddy are when GRRM surprises me thoroughly. In some ways, I guess, the Red Wedding is a favorite moment of mine, because in spite of the uneasy foreshadowing, I didn't expect that, and I love being surprised.

4. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end, and why?

I don't know, and that's the beauty of it, for me. I purposefully don't really even guess at the ending - remember, I love to be surprised. All I hope for is shocking and unexpected happenings, and I'm sure GRRM won't disappoint. I also hope for an ending that's a very neat resolution. If we get some kind of epilogue that involves, say Jon and Daenerys happily ruling the world from dragonback with a herd of kids or something, I'm going to disappointed. Just let it be messy and brutal and real, like the books have been thus far!

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