win or die

[rohajavongareth.livejournal.com]

Name: Rohaja
How did you find out about the community? If it's through an LJ user, please tell us who it is: I searched LJ for all kinds of asoiaf related things a while back and among other things I found you.
Age:23
Location:Germany
Occupation:Studying (more or less) History and German Literature/Linguistics at university.




All About You

1. Describe your ideal house/home. Please go into as much detail as possible, and be sure to include your ideal geographical location in the description!.

I don’t have any specific house in mind when I think about this question, so it’s a little difficult. But I’ll try to give you as much details as I can about what would be important to me.
Most importantly, my ideal house would be old. As old as possible, preferably close to or more than a century. The reason is that it would have a history of its own then and I would be able to live in a place and walk through rooms where others have lived before me maybe even in times that are long past and seem like some story out of a novel to me today. A house where people have been born and died and fallen in love and similar things. I have been to some really old places before and the thought of what I just described has always been overwhelming in a way and absolutely wonderful at the same time.
The second most important thing to me would be the house’s surroundings. I would like it to be somewhere in the country, away from cities and villages and also from other people’s houses. I much prefer nature around my home to an urban environment and I enjoy a certain solitude and quiet. I would like the house to have a huge garden and since it’s supposed to be an “ideal” house, let’s say a huge park. It would have lots of huge and ancient trees in it because I absolutely love them. There would be some flowerbeds maybe, in a wild-looking style, so that it’s full of bright colors and looks as if it’s overflowing in spring. I could walk there for hours and loose myself in daydreams or sit outside and read. If I could choose the location even more specifically, I’d say it would be close to a big forest and the sea. I love both and it would be wonderful to be able to hear the sea from my home.
The house itself would have lots of little rooms and be a little like a labyrinth. I’d have very old fashioned furniture, the kind that’s made of dark wood. I don’t care that people usually say it looks to heavy. I hate the modern style that’s all light and clear lines. Apart from that, I’d do the same as my aunt and fill the house with all kinds of antiques bought on auctions. And lastly, I’d like a big library with bookshelves on every wall, some comfortable chairs and a big fireplace.
Do you mean a country when you say “geographical location”. In that case it would be in England, because I love everything about that country.


2. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.

1. Death. Not death as such, but dying before I’ve done everything I want to do. I have so many plans and dreams, so many places I want to see, so many things I want to learn and so many things I still want to experience. The thought of everything suddenly ending and of never having a chance to do all those things scares me terribly. On the other hand, I’m not sure this will ever stop, since I can’t imagine ever getting bored or fed up with life. Even at times when a lot of bad things happen in my life there’s still so much I love about it, even if it’s just very little things. And with a constantly active imagination it doesn’t really get boring either. I just can’t imagine I’ll ever stop loving my life.

2. Failure. There’s basically only one thing I’m really good at and that’s intellectual stuff. Somehow the thought of not using that and feeling as if I’m wasting it scares me a lot. I have this almost obsessive desire to achieve something extraordinary and prove myself. I believe that the reason lies in all the times when people have told me I’m worthless and useless (school bullies, you know that kind of people) and in my childish desire to be loved by everyone. So on the one hand I want to be successful to prove to myself that I’m actually worth something. And on the other I have a certain kind of “If I can’t make them accept me, I can at least make them respect me and shut the hell up”-attitude or something. Definitely not the smartest thing, anyway.

3. Loneliness. I enjoy being alone actually. I can’t stand it to have people around me constantly and being unable to withdraw and find time for myself. What I’m afraid of, is losing the people I love and being forced to be alone for the rest of my life. I rely heavily on talking to people when something bothers me and there aren’t that many I trust enough or would want to burden with my worries. So the thought of losing those people forever is one of the most terrible things I can imagine.


3. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for? Wishing for more wishes is not permitted!

1. A kind of “peace of mind”. To stop being close to nervous breakdowns on a fairly regular basis just because I’m so extremely emotional and take everything to heart so much. I’d like to be able to endure bad things that happen to me without constantly raging against them inside, because it sometimes feels as if it tears me apart. I’d like to not be so intensely emotional and have such huge mood swings. And I’d want to be able to achieve a kind of “harmony” between my really contradictory personality traits and dreams, which constantly pull me in two entirely different directions. Like for example ambition and terrible shyness in public or the desire to have a family and the need to be as independent as possible.

2. Freedom. The kind of freedom that’s inside you, not the one that depends on outside factors, because when it comes to the latter, I really shouldn’t complain. My insecurity and my shyness work like chains sometimes that keep me from doing what I want. The same is true of that constant worry whether people will like me and what they will think of me. And there’s this little anxiety disorder thingy, that does get annoying on occasion, too. I’m making progress I think, because I really want to, but it’s still there too often and it keeps me back.

3. To be able to make a difference somehow. It doesn’t really matter what it is, but I want to make something a little better. To leave something good behind as a result of having lived. I just want my life to mean something more than just being “fun” for me.


4. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? You can list more than one if you have trouble deciding. ;)

Hmm. I’ll keep this as general as possible, I think. As I said I have a somewhat intimate acquaintance with school bullies. It started when I started school and it lasted for about ten years. It ended when I couldn’t take it any longer and got quite ill for a time. I was quite down and some people doubted that I would ever be able to live a “normal” life again. Well, I managed to do it anyway. Because I wanted to and refused to let my dreams be taken away from me. So I worked really hard and it worked out fine. That’s what I’m most proud of so far.

5. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you?

A difficult question. The most important thing to me is family, because I wouldn’t want any of the others if it meant not having my family. Knowledge is a very, very close second, because I can hardly bear the thought of how much I will never know most of the time.
The question about the least important thing is the difficult part. I don’t think I could live entirely without the comforts that money can provide, like books, a computer or the rest of my hobbies. Love would depend on what kind of love is meant. If it means a relationship, I can very well live without that. If it means just being in love or loving someone without ever getting close enough for things to get difficult, well, I don’t think I could live without that. That would leave friendship, which shocks me, because I do love my friends although I don’t have many who I would consider really close friends, because I can be picky when it comes to choosing those. So I’ll say its love in the sense of having a relationship of any sort with someone.


6. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values?

I’m not sure. Maybe:
“Come with me, I’ll take you there to the land of make believe.”


7. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you?

The answer to this is either “very badly” or “not at all”. Seriously. I never have any idea how much money is on my bank account, I don’t even know the days of each month were I get my pocket-money from my mum (I still live at home and don’t have a part-time job). I spend money on books and computer games and DVDs without really thinking about it and I manage to spend insane amounts of money just on visiting cafés in town. I was 21 when I spend about three times the normal price on a DVD I really wanted to have and only realized something might have been wrong with the price after my father started yelling at me for being an idiot. About a year ago, I managed to have -250€ on my bank account without ever realizing it. I checked from time to time but somehow I managed to overlook that little “-“ completely. I was shocked when that letter from the bank arrived. I have another bank account with the money to pay for university on it and once each year I have to go to the bank and discuss it with them. And every year my parents have to explain things to me again, because I just have no head for money. The only managing I do is that I would never get a credit card and that I had the bank remove the possibility to actually take more money off my bank account than there is on it. As safety measures, because I know myself.

8. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office?

I have far too many. One of the things I spend a lot of time with is the Sims 2 and 3. I love making up storylines in my head and play them out, so that game is an ideal invention for me. When I was little, I used to spend most of my time doing exactly the same with my dolls. And just as I grew too old for those, that game appeared.
Then there has always been reading. Before I had a computer, I used to spend the other half of my days reading books. I started reading books that were meant for adults really early at about nine. So I practically skipped children’s and young adult books entirely. Looking back, that may not have been the best choice, because I used to have my entire world view influenced by novels when I was about 12. By now, I find it more and more difficult to find books that I really want to read, because I’ve grown very critical and there are certain storylines that I just can’t stand anymore. Such as when I feel the whole story is essentially about who wants to win the love of whom, etc. It’s especially annoying in my beloved historical novels, which I want to read for a more or less accurate portrayal of people in a certain era, not for a love story in a historical setting.
I spend a lot of time making up all kinds of characters and stories, too. I think I always have done that, so it’s pretty much second nature by now. I used to write some of those things down and I really enjoy writing, but lately I don’t feel as if I have enough time. Apart from that I lack the patience to write everything down and I’m far too critical of whatever I write to ever get very far with it.
I love astrology and I sometimes do horoscopes for friends and family, or just read books about it. I’m not sure whether I really believe in it or not, but my own horoscope was scarily accurate and I’m fascinated by the human character and love complicated systems which take time to completely understand. For more or less the same reason I occasionally put some effort into completely understanding tarot cards, but I’m not very far with that yet.
Apart from that there’s my weird obsession with foreign languages. I have all kinds of language courses lying around here, because at some point I wanted to learn the language. Russian, Gaelic, Hebrew and French, is what I think I have. As with most other hobbies I hardly have time for it, though, so I’m not really making much progress.
And, although the question says “outside of school”, my history studies at university can count as a hobby, too. Not only because I spend so much time with them, but also because I really, really love them.
The last thing I can think of is that I like sewing. I’ve made a medieval costume some years ago and currently I have a Victorian dress that’s not even halfway done. I wonder how many years it will take to actually finish it. As a friend told me recently, I have far too many time-consuming hobbies, which might be the reason why I’m constantly complaining that I never have enough time.


9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical).

Best:
1. I have a strong will. If I really want something I usually get there in the end. It helps to get me trough difficult or unpleasant times, too, so I guess it’s a good quality. I also never really give up, even if sometimes it might be better if I would because I’m just running against walls. That’s the downside, I’m too stubborn and most of the time I can’t even take other people’s advice even if I *know* it’s good.

2. I think a lot. About pretty much everything. That’s positive because I’m usually quite good at looking at something from all possible angles. Because of that I’m usually able to at least understand other people’s opinions even if I would never share them. For me it makes things easier in most kinds of conflict situations because understanding other people and showing them that you do is easier than just having outright confrontations and is more likely to achieve productive results. For me at least.

3. I really try to do the “right” thing most of the time. That’s subjective, but what I mean is that I have a certain set of values and I try very hard to live according to them. One is that I try to be tolerant and accept other people’s opinions and actions, as long as they’re not outright harmful. I try to always help others if I feel they need it (that’s even true for people who’ve hurt me or whom I don’t like, I really can’t say no if someone asks for help). I have this obsession with trying to protect everyone. (Although I’m currently trying to learn to ask whether they *want* my protection first. *rolls eyes*) And I try to put other people before myself. Especially before my own pleasure. The important thing in this is that I just *try* to do this. I’m no saint and I fail and act selfish often enough, so don’t get any wrong impressions.

Worst:
1. I’m a terrible perfectionist. I’m extremely critical of myself and I’m never really satisfied with what I do. Sometimes I don’t even attempt something new because I think I won’t be able to get a good result (by my standards) anyway. I have a hard time doing something just for fun, it’s always some kind of…contest? Where I have to get a good result, otherwise I’ll end up unhappy. That’s also the source of my sometimes insane ambition and my tendency to get really angry at myself when I think I’ve done something wrong or haven’t lived up to my shiny, beloved ideals.

2. I’m kind of extreme, I think. I’m extremely emotional, although I do my best not to show it. And I have a kind of volcano temper, I fear. The things I mentioned above about being tolerant and nice and looking at things from all angles? That’s true as long as I don’t get angry. Unfortunately I tend to keep my anger to myself until I really explode and then all my principles, shyness and insecurities fly out of the window… There really aren’t many things that make me that angry (bullies and injustice mostly), but once I get angry I can be quite unpleasant I’m afraid. Usually it doesn’t last long and I feel terrible afterwards, though. I’m working on this however and I think I’m slowly getting better.

3. Deep down inside I think I’m really not good at forgiving. Just when it comes to certain things, like when someone has really hurt me or someone I love. But if some of those girls I went to school with would come to me and tell me they’re sorry, I think I wouldn’t be able to forgive them. I’d just go on quietly hating them. Which I think is neither right nor healthy, but you *did* ask for my worst personality traits.






A Song of Ice and Fire Related

1.Who are your favorite three characters in the series?

Daenerys Targaryen. At first I found it really difficult to read chapters from her point of view. The way her brother treated her and the way she was basically sold to Khal Drogo almost physically hurt me. Therefore I was incredibly happy with how her story developed. She has come out of this and she has proven to be so strong in my opinion, because she survived it and because she grew and became such a great leader. I don’t care that people could say that she fits some Mary Sue criteria, because this little girl that I felt for so much in the beginning has proven to be strong, brave, noble and intelligent. And independent. I love how she doesn’t give in to Jorah, but preserves her independence and her station as his queen. I love that great things happened to her as well as bad things. Like her dragons. Or the fact that she’s probably the first ever female leader of a khalasar. Or that she just goes and frees all those slaves and gets herself a slave army/whole “nation” following her. I think with her background she absolutely deserves every good and extraordinary thing that happened to her.

Arya Stark. I have loved Arya from the very beginning. She’s different and she doesn’t fit in and she refuses to conform to the expected role of a “lady”. I have to admit that I identify with this a lot, but nobody said that wasn’t a valid reason for loving a character to pieces. She later sees so much horror and she proves to be so strong by living through it and not breaking down. I often forget that she’s still only a child. I love her stubbornness, her temper, her determination and, I have to admit, her capacity to hate and her determination to make the people who have hurt her loved ones pay for it. In reality, she’d probably end up a seriously disturbed adult, but in fiction she makes for a great character.

Jaime Lannister. I hate to admit it but this is for superficial reasons. At the beginning he’s simply gorgeous, arrogant, incredibly good at what he does and he has a mean way of mocking people. And I find that attractive and amusing. That he slowly develops and that I think there’s a chance he will become a better person only makes me love his character even more.


2.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series?

Walder Frey. He’s just so… I don’t know. I find him disgusting and I hope he meets a terrible end. He’s jealous in my opinion and he’s false. And he breaks the code of honor by murdering his guests, which is probably the worst for me.

Joffrey. I hated him so very much. He’s the stereotype of the little prince who gets everything he wants and not enough beatings. He’s a coward and he’s a bully and he enjoys making people suffer, when he knows they can’t fight back. I was happy with the end of his storyline, really.

Apart from that there’s nobody I really hate. But since you asked for three…

Catelyn Stark. I don’t hate her. Actually I really liked her later in the series. But there’s one thing about her that I really disliked. It’s her attitude towards Jon combined with her attitude towards her husband. I can totally understand that the fact Eddard cheated on her (which is what she must think) makes her angry. But then, she should be angry at Eddard for cheating and not at Jon, because what about this is Jon’s fault exactly? That he was born? How could he have prevented that? If she had at least shown some of that attitude towards her husband as well, I might have been less annoyed, but I can’t remember that she did. It just seems unfair. I realize that it’s absolutely human and that I might have done exactly the same, but I didn’t like it anyway. (Maybe because of that?)


3.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far?

Don’t laugh. The battle on the Blackwater actually. I like battle scenes, especially when they’re described in a way that makes me feel as if I’m there and can see everything happen with my own eyes. It’s a really exciting thing.

4. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end?

My greatest wish would be to see Daenerys on the Iron Throne. I got the impression that despite Aerys, the Targaryens also have a lot of potential for greatness. And I’d love to see that realized in her and to see her kind of redeem the Targaryen dynasty. And everything to kind of go back to how it was before all the stuff with Robert’s rebellion happened, just without the mad king, please.
I’d also love it if those theories about Jon being the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna were true. After all that he’s been faced with for being a bastard, it would be nice to at least be a royal bastard…;-) Apart from that, I’d love more of the surprising developments GRRM has written so far.

Comments

Stark

[lilycobalt.livejournal.com]

Targaryen.