Win or Die

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Name: Melissa
How did you find out about the community? If it's through an LJ user, please tell us who it is: LJ search for "game of thrones"
Age: 24
Location: New York City
Occupation: Curator and art history teacher




All About You

1. Describe your ideal house/home. Please go into as much detail as possible, and be sure to include your ideal geographical location in the description!.

I struggled with this question a bit since I've discovered I have a fairly strong aversion to staying in one place for too long. As a child, I moved around quite a bit, never really settling down for more than a year or two so I don't get too attached to locations. The circumstances of my frequent relocation as a child weren't exactly fun or positive so there's a certain amount of anxiety about getting attached to places (or people). I always wanted a permanent home (mostly because I wanted to have a "normal" home life like all the other kids) but I came to associate attachment with inevitable disappointment - why grow to love a place if you're only going to leave it, right? I've lived or spent a significant amount of time in the US, Japan, South Korea, France, Belize, Mexico, England and Germany. Each place had its own magic and all that travel left its mark. Once I've been somewhere for what feels like too long, I start getting the itch to relocate and explore some new environment.

If the laws of physics could be ignored, my ideal home would be a flying castle. I know it sounds really silly but I think it would be wonderful to be able to combine my desire to travel with a comfortable place I could call home. I've spent most of my life living out of boxes or suitcases and it would be nice to settle in somewhere for good (though without the sense of being stationary which is so crippling for me). The castle bit is ideal since I like having my own space and castles come with plenty of secret rooms to hide in. I also have a thing for interior design so the more rooms I can decorate, the better!

In terms of geography, the one thing I really cannot tolerate is the cold. Considering that I'm a product of hellish New England winters, I should be used to it but my family relocated there from a Caribbean island so I think I've got tropical blood in my veins. I don't think there are words strong enough to describe how much I hate the feeling of being cold. I would much rather be sweating my brains out than shivering in the snow. Even in 90 degree heat, I'm reluctant to turn the air conditioner on. I would love to live some place very warm with a lot of sun. I've noticed I get moody during the dark winter months and my mood improves dramatically when I'm getting enough sun (thus making everyone around me happier as well).


2. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for? Please be as elaborate as you can. Wishing for more wishes is not permitted!

1. At the risk of sounding silly (again), I would wish to have my childhood pets back. They were the one constant in my life and I loved them more than I loved most people in my family (who, to be honest, were not that nice). No matter where I was or what was going on, I never felt alone when I had my kitty sleeping cuddled around my ankles.

2. And at the risk of sounding trite, I would wish for money. Not an extravagant amount - just enough to pay off my student loans and various debts. The feeling of being tied to a loan for the next decade is pretty awful. Constantly worrying about being able to make my monthly payments is a big source of stress. I just want to be free of debt so I don't have to live with that pressure anymore.

3. And finally at the risk of sounding like a dreamer, I would wish for peace. For myself but also for others. There is so much hate and ugliness in the world. I'm not a pacifist - I do think force is often necessary, especially when being used in defense of those who cannot defend themselves. As the saying goes, "pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living." While I'm not an advocate of complete non-violence, I wish we lived in a world where it wasn't necessary.

3. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? Why? You can list more than one if you have trouble deciding. ;)

When I managed to jump over a fence on horseback for the first time, I was so proud of myself, I felt a little delirious. I've been riding for years but I was always terrified of jumping - I had a really bad fall when I was a teenager and came out of it with a minor hairline fracture in my spine. I competed on my university's equestrian team and only ever rode on the flat. My coach finally convinced me to start cantering over crossrails which was scary enough. During one practice session, she moved the poles up to a vertical jump and told me we weren't going to leave until I jumped (she was my ride!). It was a tiny one by showjumping standards but I was so nervous, it felt like I was going to vomit up my heart (sorry). Horses can tell if their riders are nervous so it took me a while to convince my horse that I was ready to go over the jump. He shied away a few times and came to a skidding stop that sent me flying over his head (always wear a helmet when riding, kids!) and into the jump poles. Finally, I was relaxed enough to go over the jump and it felt so much bigger than it actually was. I'm still terrified of jumping over fences but I did it once and I'm damn proud of that.

4. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you? Please explain why for each choice.

In order of importance:

1. Adventure - I love seeing new locales and trying new things. I'm always looking to the horizon for my next adventure. I have a tendency to be afraid of a lot of things (heights, the dark, wide open spaces, things with more than 4 legs, etc) so I feel the need to test myself every now and then to prove to myself that I can still tackle things even if I'm afraid of them.

2. Knowledge - I think this one is tied pretty closely to adventure. I like experiencing new things and every experience can teach us something. If I can't travel to sate my adventure lust, then I read. I have a voracious appetite for learning - there's always something to learn, something to add to the jumble of things that shape my character.

3. Friendship - While I'm wary of trusting new people, the friends I do have are crazy loyal. I'd rather have 5 true friends than 15 ambivalent ones. No man is an island and I think friends are there to keep you sane and make you a better person.

4. Money - While I don't think that money can buy happiness, I do think it can buy freedom. Freedom can then lead to the pursuit of happiness. I

5. Pleasure - Life isn't worth living if you don't enjoy it. I draw the line at pleasure that comes at another person's expense but so long as you're not hurting anyone, do what you want. You only live once.

6. Love - I think I've been burned too many times to place this higher on the list if we're defining it as romantic love. Platonic love, like the love you have for your friends, is much more important to me.

7. Family - I'm not particularly close with my family. I spent a lot of time away from them as a kid so I don't really relate to them all that well. There were times when I was a kid when I really needed them and they didn't step up. In my case, blood was NOT thicker than water.

5. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values? Explain.

"Honor should not go to those who have not fallen, but rather all honor to those who fall and rise again."

I remember hearing this trotted out by Bud Greenspan during every Olympic games but I'm not sure if they're originally his words. Regardless, I try to remember them. I've made some bad decisions and had my fair share of failure. It's important to remember that failure is what teaches us. People who never experience hardship or never mess up (or recognize that they mess up) will never learn from their errors. They will never improve or grow. The hard part isn't succeeding - it's succeeding AFTER failing. Failure can be pretty hard to swallow but it's important. Everyone falls every once and a while and the truly impressive thing is to pull yourself up and keep trying. It can be scary sometimes (lord, don't I know it) but I think one always needs to keep trying.

6. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you? Go into as much detail as you can.

I've talked about this a bit already but to reiterate: money matters. I don't think I need wild extravagances or luxury items but a certain amount of money can open a lot of doors. Right now, I'm shackled to a monstrous student loan and the monthly payments are pretty unforgiving. It feels like very decision I've made in my life since graduating has been dictated by whether or not I can pay my loans and other bills. In college, I paid my own tuition and fees while also sending money home (I had 2 jobs at any given time) to help pay rent and bills. I know what it's like to be poor. I know what it's like to have to decide between rent and food (and sometime there's just no food). I can make a box of mac and cheese last a week. Those experiences taught me the value of money. Financial security is very important because it allows me to do things other than worrying about money. You can accomplish so much when you're not worried about whether or not you're going to be able to pay the rent.

7. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office?

Horseback riding! I've always loved horses though the closest I've ever come to having my own was my My Little Pony collection. There's just something about riding a horse that makes me feel invincible (so long as I'm not jumping!). I don't like hiking but I do enjoy trail rides. The relationship between horse and rider is amazing. They're such smart animals and working with them reminds me to get out of my own head and stop worrying about silly things.

I also love dancing. Not like social dancing in the club (I don't go clubbing) but choreographed dancing. I did classical ballet for about 10 years and modern/post-modern/contemporary for 5. Ballet is still my true love when it comes to dancing. There's something about the long tradition and the classical beauty of it. I like dancing and I know I'm good at it. It makes me feel strong and beautiful and it's a nice reminder that those two qualities aren't mutually exclusive.

8. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.

1. Being in love with someone who doesn't love me back - I didn't fear this until it happened to me. It felt like there was a knife stuck through my heart every single hour of every single day. I was in so much pain, I would switch between crying and numbness. It took all the flavor out of life.

2. Peanuts and walnuts - I have a severe nut allergy. Eating out is a stressful event since exposure to nuts could have some pretty dire consequences. It's hard to explain this fear to people who don't have severe allergies but it's freaking scary to think something so tiny could be so harmful.

3. Spiders - This goes beyond normal fear. I become a shrieking mindless subhuman monstrosity when I see a spider. I simply cannot deal with them. I was in a convertible with the top down one night and a spider fell on me and I brushed it off but my dad couldn't find it in the car to kill it so I burst into tears because I KNEW IT WAS THERE.

9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical). Please answer as fully as you can, as this is an important question.

Best qualities, in no particular order:

1. Courage - This GoT quote pretty much sums it up for me: "Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?" "That is the only time a man can be brave." The truth is I'm scared of a lot of things. I used to be ashamed of it and tried to hide it under bravado but as I grew up, I began to realize that fear can sometimes be a good thing because it makes me want to beat it.
2. Loyalty - I have no time for people I can't trust. I love my friends fiercely and expect the same from them. If I don't feel like someone has my back, I pretty much cut them off. If you're my friend, I will gladly take a punch for you.
3. Practicality - My friend just gave me a mug that says "Responsibility champion: I get shit done" and I think it's pretty accurate. Sometimes things aren't fun or glamorous and I don't want to do them but I get it done anyway. The faster and more efficiently I get it done, the sooner I won't have to deal with it anymore.

Worst qualities, also in no particular order:

1. My inability to comfort people - Maybe it's my inherent awkwardness or my staunch practicality but when someone is upset or crying, I have no idea what to do with myself. My initial reaction is to tell them to suck it up, but I've learned that's not always the best approach.
2. Arrogance - I'm not proud that my knee jerk reaction to a lot of situations is arrogance. I don't take criticism well and I hate being told or discovering I'm not good at something. I prize humility in others because I think we learn how to be better people with it, but my arrogance usually gets in the way of my own humility. I want to be the best at what I do and I really don't like it when I'm not.
3. Jealousy - This is probably my most hated character trait. I tend to keep it to myself but I can get viciously jealous of even my friends when they succeed and I fail. I went to an Ivy League school so a lot of my peers were immediately wildly successful upon graduation and even when we were at school. I felt like I was stewing in a pool of my own mediocrity because things weren't happening for me as quickly as I felt they should have and I hated myself for it. It's hard to convince yourself to be happy for other people but I'm desperately working on it.





A Song of Ice and Fire Related

1.Who are your favorite three characters in the series? Why?

I'm still working my way through the series so this isn't a comprehensive list but of the characters I know well so far:

1. Jon Snow - I can relate to him feeling like he doesn't really belong. He's trying to forge a path for himself in a world that isn't exactly forgiving for people who don't comfortably fit the mold. He starts off so young and more than any other character, I think we really get to see him blossom. He gets scared and he's oftentimes insecure and that makes him so wonderfully human. He doesn't always know what the right thing to do is but damnit, he's going to try.

2. Arya Stark - Another person who doesn't quite fit the mold. She's strong and willful and has a strong sense of right and wrong (even if it gets her into trouble). She's also incredibly smart and capable of adapting to her environment when she needs to. It's perfect that she and Jon get along better than any of the other Stark kids. They don't fit in just right but they're going to make their own path even if others don't always approve.

3. Daenerys Targaryen - Sometimes I like her, sometimes I don't. As silly as it sounds, I don't always like the way George R.R. Martin writes her - I think she's a character he oversexualizes which doesn't quite sit well with me since she's a victim of a sexual abuse at the hands of her brother (which also did not sit well with me since I thought it was often unnecessary). Despite that, she grows up and learns to stand up for herself and it is a beautiful thing to behold.

2.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series? Why?

1. Eddard Stark - Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I found his single minded focus on honor to be a little boring. I like characters who learn and adapt and have a little bit of cunning to get them through (if I could have chosen 4 characters to love, I'd have included Tyrion). When he thinks he's doing the right thing, it often turns out to be the wrong thing because he didn't seem to understand that other people are not honorable. Honor, as he saw it, was an impractical ideal. He stuck to an ideal at the expense of the lives of many people, including his own children.

2. Viserys - I'm so disgusted by this character that I can't even type out something coherent. He sexually abused his little sister (and yes, it was sexual abuse, I've had people debate me on that and as someone who has worked with child abuse victims, trust me, that crap was sexual abuse).

3. Sansa Stark - Has there ever been a character more hateful? Loyalty means nothing to this little wretch. She chose a horrible evil boy over her own little sister. Joffrey violently and maliciously attacked Arya and she sided with him! I may not always get along with my older brother but if someone came at me with a sword, I like to think that he would give a hoot.

3.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far? Why?

I haven't read all of ASOIAF so please forgive me. In Game of Thrones, when we learn that Aemon of the Night's Watch is actually a Targaryen, I literally said "WHAAAAT" out loud. I was on a crowded train at rush hour. That got some looks. It was also such a poignant moment for Jon's character because it set in motion the sequence of events that got him to sort out his priorities. He faced a hard truth, faltered, and grew up quite a bit. When Jon and Ghost owned the not-so-dead Othor was pretty great, too.

4. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end, and why?

Well, Robb would somehow be alive and well again, Daenerys would become queen and be a just ruler. Jon would find love on the Wall ( I don't even know, okay, I just want him to be happy and fulfilled), Arya would become the Batman of Westeros defending those who cannot defend themselves on her own terms, Sansa would go away and never come back, Jaime would continue to become a less horrible person, Tyrion would have a swimming pool full of gold coins that he could roll around naked in, and Westeros would become a parliamentary democracy. George R.R. Martin has gone and made me care about these fictional people and I want them all to be happy though I know he won't allow that but I will continue to lap up every word. Sigh. Quit playing games with my heart, Martin.

Edited: I misread the best/worst qualities question and answered it in general first. I edited it to make it personal.

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