win or die
Apr. 26th, 2011 04:46 pmName: Opal
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Age: 27
Location: South Yorkshire, UK
Occupation: phd student
All About You
1. Describe your ideal house/home. Please go into as much detail as possible, and be sure to include your ideal geographical location in the description!
I like being in small towns in the middle of nowhere. Being able to walk where I need to go is important to me and I don't mind if it takes twelve hours to reach a big city or an airport, as long as one's around somewhere. I like having everything I need nearby. I want to be able to walk to the woods or green space, and walk to the grocery store too, as well as my job. I love winter, snow and rain, ever if you have to dress warmly. I prefer wet to dry. I don't mind bleakness, like Iceland or the Scottish isles, but I'd rather have trees if I can.
I've moved around so much that it's hard to pick one place where I'd be for an extended period of time. I might have many homes. My favourite place so far was in China, where I lived in a little stone house that opened up into a courtyard, surrounded by other little houses. I liked the sense of community there, of a secret world surrounded by everything else. I would like my home to have that feeling of peace and wonder, like an eye of the storm. Hilly is better than flat, and I find plains too empty. I'm fond of the islands in the Caribbean, because there's no hurry there and the air smells of the sea. I can't say there's one place where I've really felt at home, even though many of them were beautiful, I think I haven't found home yet.
I hate air conditioning. If I'm somewhere hot, I'd like to be hot, not wasting energy trying to be cool. I like hot and wet almost as much as cold and wet, and I'm definitely not a fan of dry. I don't enjoy chaos. I like leaving big cities more than I like entering them. I don't like metal and glass as much as stone. I like rivers, lakes, oceans, even swamps because there's so much potential in water. I've never been able to see the potential in deserts. They seem foreign to me and I'd feel out of place there.
My house would be small, and revolve around the kitchen. The most interesting part of a house is its kitchen. I'd like to have one where it opens up into the dining room so that cooking can be an event, something you can do while having a chat or someone's setting the table. The kitchen has to be big enough to have people move around and do different things, and there must be trees out of the window. There can be houses too, but there must be trees. The bedrooms would be small because that's cozier, and the living room could be combined with the dining room, open plan on the first floor, all the bedrooms upstairs would suit me fine. I don't own much, so the closets can be small.
No walls will be white. Everything will have colours, bright colours, even if they don't match all of the way. I'd love to have one of those courtyards in the centre of my house. If I can't have that, I'll have a garden, a big one full of things that are easy to grow, like potatoes and sunflowers because I'm no champion gardener but I enjoy living things.
I'll have pets or a big family or both, because a house should be full. Someone should be moving around, doing something, and there should always be someone to talk to, even if he's a cat.
2. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for? Please be as elaborate as you can. Wishing for more wishes is not permitted!
I'd wish for free education, really incredible education, including higher education. Since it's a wish, I can make it have economic sense. My student loans are the bane of my existence, and I'd love no one to have to deal with that problem anymore. Maybe it'll mean having very strict entrance requirements, or more universities, but I'd like everyone who wants to explore higher learning to be able to, without having to mortgage the rest of their life to do it. If I'd had free education when I was younger, my education could have had my full attention, instead of sharing it with my need for money. I wouldn't have the problem I have now, where I doubt that the PhD I want is worth what I have to borrow to study it and I'm somehow less worthy because my country has education where you pay for the rest of your life…
I want to be able to teleport. Harry Potter-style or Star Trek style, it doesn't matter much to me how it works, but I want the power to be anywhere in the world, instantly. Safely would be nice too, but I'll take the level of danger inherent in either of those universe. I can be careful with it. I want to be able to travel instantly, not to worry about the cost of the time involved, just have that freedom. Live where I want, work where I want and go home wherever I want. I want to be able to see and do things that I'm barred from now by silly things like the cost of airplane tickets.
A babel-fish (or translator microbes) in my head. I want to be able to talk to anyone, understand any language, read anything and everything. It would fit really really well with the teleporting in the previous wish. That way I could go anywhere and collect stories, or tell jokes in Mongolian. I'd like this ability to apply to speaking, reading and listening so I am not limited in my experience of other cultures. This would open me up to meeting more people and having more experiences.
3. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? Why? You can list more than one if you have trouble deciding. ;)
Redoing my master's degree. The first one was hell: poorly designed, poorly implemented, absolutely nothing like what I knew from undergrad and my supervisor cared more for his ego than what I needed from him. I was distraught when it ended. All I wanted was to scrape by; I'd given up on doing well, but even that I couldn't have. So thousands of dollars and years later, I'd failed completely and I didn't know what else to do. As silly as it seems now, at the time, I was borderline suicidal, racked with guilt and incredibly depressed.
Then I realised the money didn't really matter and I could do it again, with a supervisor who actually cared about me, and a program that made sense. I realised both that of course I could handle this level of course work, and that I was able to admit I'd failed at something without hating my whole being. That was the bravest thing I've done because I conquered the part of me that wanted to give up and thought I'd never be worthy. (at least beat it back, if not conquered entirely)
4. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you? Please explain why for each choice.
Friendship is the most important. I had to think about family too, but friendship was more appropriate for me. Without friendship, you wander the world alone, and yes, you can't chose your family members, but those who are closest to me are friends too. Friendship lets you share your glories, and have someone remind you the world doesn't hate you when you are convinced it does. There's a magic to it and a peace in knowing you're loved. It's how I know I fit somewhere in the world, and friendship is the one thing I count on to be my home, wherever I am.
Pleasure is the least important. I can't think of a reason to seek it. Pleasure finds you, and it's in little things, like having the top of the stove clean, or finding flowers in the front garden. I don't think it needs to be an active consideration. One needs money to live, and adventure is worth seeking out, but pleasure is ancillary. It exists, but it is not something I need to find. I don't have an addictive personality. It is easy for me to drink and eat in moderation. I don't like (though I've tried) illegal drugs and my sex drive is quite low. The pleasures most people seek are of little interest to me.
5. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values? Explain.
"A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving." Lao Tzu
I left part of myself in Asia when I moved west again and I have a soft spot for the Tao Te Ching. This quote applies to me because I'm not a planner. The journey is important to me, less than the destination. I don't know where I'm going in life, but I'm enjoying getting there so far, most of the time. I don't think long term. Right now the plan is finish my phd and I'm not too sure what happens after that. I love travelling simply to travel, to see new things out the window or realise that you're walking down a street you've never seen before and will never see again. I believe you have to be able to find yourself anywhere and you may not know where that place is until you're right there.
I try to work with what I have, and this quote speaks to me. I'm rarely intent on my goals, but I enjoy the process. I like writing essays more than getting grades, I like working more than getting paid and often I enjoy travelling more than sitting still. (too bad I can't be a Dothraki…) ;)
6. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you? Go into as much detail as you can.
I'm reasonably good with what little money I have now. I failed utterly in its management when I was younger, I'm heavily in debt from student loans and not all of them are to the friendly US federal government. Now I try to be careful with what I have because it's impossible to know when I'll get more and there isn't much. I splurge on some things I shouldn't, mostly travel. I have no real reason to go to Germany this weekend, but I'm going to see my friends, so I'm going. (I live in England, so it's not too bad). Other than that, I stick to my budget, and I don't own much of anything. I will eventually have a job, but what I get paid is less important to me than what I'll be doing.
I've never been starving, but I've never been much beyond lower middle class (possibly even poor, but it's so hard to define as a student). I try to buy things (like shoes) that are practical instead of pretty and will last forever. I wear things out instead of buying new. I like having enough money to buy a book when I want one, and travel a few times a year, while securely paying all of my bills. I can't picture myself ever having much more than that. When I graduate, my student loans are going to eat most of my 'spare' income, and my standard of living will probably never rise much higher than graduate student. Maybe I'll eat meat more than twice a week someday, but not in the near future. I understand I'll need more money to have a family, but that's still a ways off. Comfort and a little level of flexibility is all I want from money. Comfort to me means having enough to pay the bills and put some in the bank (not too much). A small house, a old car (ideally public transit and no car), a shopping trip once a year, that's enough for me.
Enough for stability, that's all money is for. I don't need much else.
7. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office? I play the violin, classical and folk style, and I find that relaxing and calming. I have a great love for classical music, and folk music from many cultures. I enjoy Chinese and Korean operas, as well as western ones. I prefer music with words I don't understand because then I focus on the emotion, not what they're saying.
I like wandering around wherever I am. I take walks without destinations and explore places I haven't been. I spend much time writing fanfiction, which fills some of my needs that I can't meet now. I want children, but I'm not in the place to have them, so much of my head is taken up with those ideas.
I read, but not as much as I once did. University demands much reading and it's really hard to get myself to read for fun sometimes. I quite enjoy video games, World of Warcraft is one of the best ways to release aggression and calm my head that I have at the moment.
I love table-top RPGs. I'm heavily into a Call of Cthulu game, and I'm desperately hoping to get to start a "Game of Thrones" one soon. I love storytelling, and new stimuli, which is why roleplaying works so well for me. It's full of all this great creative energy. I love cooking, and do that often. I'm getting more into gardening, because it's deeply satisfying to grow something living. If I could I'd have cats and dogs, but I can't at the moment. I volunteer with children who don't speak English, to help them develop their second language. I love to play, even if it's hide and seek with a bunch of 8 year olds.
I don't have time for much else. I have studied dance and yoga, but I can't fit the former into my current schedule and the latter is too expensive for a student. I've recently joined the ceilidh society in university, so I hope that lets me enjoy more dancing. We're on break now.
8. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.
Birds. I have this entirely illogical fear of them. I don't dislike them at all. They can be quite pretty and I don't fear them when they're stationary or swimming around. When they take off they're quite noisy and frequently startle me. They have strange eyes also, which I find unnerving. Often their eyes are just black and I find that creepy. You can see the emotions of a cat or dog in their eyes, but birds are blank. Perhaps I just saw Hitchcock when I was too young or it's the sound…something about it just freaks me out. I will cross the street to avoid pigeons who might take off.
Conflict. I have a fear response in all arguments. My mother's bipolar and my father struggled with depression and anger management most of his life. I'm never sure if someone who is angry with me isn't about to snap. I know logically no one is going to hurt me and that I can stand up for myself because I have power, I'm an adult, but I can't stop my heart from racing. I think most people who raise their voices are about to hit me, even if they're not. It's very visceral and I struggle against it often. I can't even argue with my housemates without having to bite back my fear.
Religious people. Not all religious people, and I understand intellectually that most are really wonderful people. My mother's family is very religious, and when I came out as gay, they freaked out. I expect on some instinctual level that all religious people will hate me without knowing who I am. I'm aware of the lack of logic and the hypocrisy innate in my fear of them judging me. I try to beat it back, but I get nauseous as soon as anyone mentions religion. I fear we can't be friends, that they'll never talk to me again, or think I'm a dirty abomination for being gay. This is a specific fear of a rejection because I know some people think the word of the divine makes gays evil, and I can't argue with that. It touches on all sorts of painful things, like how hard it was to come out and even exist as I am. Organised religion makes me wince, and I don't know how long it'll be before I'm over it.
9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical). Please answer as fully as you can, as this is an important question.
I'm going to put worst first, so I can end on a high note.
I self-flagellate. No matter what I do, I will punish myself more for it than anyone else. I can get so wrapped up in hating myself that nothing anyone says or does to the contrary can get through. I often don't give a damn about anyone's opinion about me but my own, and my own is often not as high as it should be. I punish myself for not finishing things when I think I should, for avoiding things I have to do, for procrastinating, for not immediately being good at everything…I repress how I feel during a conflict and destroy myself later.
I occasionally direct this kind of manic hatred outwards at other people. I can be very intensely judgemental about very silly things. I spin into ranty mania about things that shouldn't frustrate me. The glorification of men over women, people who don't think it's important to spell correctly on the internet, people who think rape is sexy…I get bloodragey and anger blind and come down FAR too hard on people who don't deserve it. A friend of mine calls things 'shooting down the news helicopters'. I am angry at things from the past, and I can't control it or even know why I'm angry. I cease to be rational, and that doesn't help anyone, and it's not fair. I'm a libra, I very much believe in fair.
I'm very slow to trust people. I can open up and talk about things, and I seem very trusting, but I spend most of my time alone inside. I would like to like people, but I can't understand why they'd like me. I spend much of my time alone due to travelling, time zones, and just not really connecting with many people. I like people, but I don't put much effort into getting to know them. I feel like they're only temporary, so why should either of us bother? I only ask for help under extreme duress and don't feel that I'm entitled to get it or that I deserve it when I do. I seem very ungrateful and unattached that way. I fear being dependent, I hate not being in control, and I just can't trust everyone. It takes me years with some people. Which makes me sad, because friends are so important to me. I'm a conflicted individual.
And the best, so I can end happily.
I communicate very well. I am an engaging and talented public speaker. I can make people listen to me and enjoy it. I can clearly articulate what I want to say with passionate and intellectual skill. I also write with creativity and can convey the emotions I wish too. Connecting with other people is one of the great joys of my life and I've very proud that I can do it. I don't fear public speaking, in fact, I get a bit of a high from doing it. I love giving lectures and instructing people in things. I am very passionate and involved when I'm talking to other people. I love the process and the experience. I thrive on interactions, be they personal or written.
I am very nurturing. I love animals and children, even plants. I can be very supportive and am outgoing in my affection. I am very patient and quite happy to commit to fantasy worlds, which makes me very good at engaging in creative play with children. I have a very high tolerance for being sticky, being thrown up on, and things that smell. I'm quiet patient with telling the same story over and over, and I'm often fascinated by just how wonderful children are. I watch other people's dogs and cats, and can always find something to love about them. There's a great honesty in pets and children that I find incredibly appealing. There's no cynicism, and if you're genuine with them, they're always genuine with you. I may mother my friends a little, but they put up with it for the most part. ;)
I'm incredibly creative. I comfortably have worlds in my head and I see the world in a unique way. I can't always tap into it when I want to, and sometimes I'm a little off-centre, but I wouldn't trade it. I can always amuse myself by writing stories in my head, and it gives me something useful to do in queues. Somehow fantasy is how I process the world, and it's very fulfilling for me. I love creating things, new worlds, new people, and new situations. It is the best way I've found to be passionate and it's very need-fulfilling for me. I can write what I want while I wait for it to manifest. I can address old emotions and let them run their course. Acknowledging my desires in fictional form makes reality much more peaceful for me. I like to daydream, and it is a great source of joy and personal strength for me.
A Song of Ice and Fire Related
1.Who are your favorite three characters in the series? Why?
Davos the Onion Knight. There's an honesty to him I really admire. He doesn't want to be more than he is, he's proud of what he has achieved, loyal and aware of his own faults. He's committed to his family, knows who he is and supports them for who they are. He feels like one of the most genuine characters to me. He has his own morals, and he's honest about what they are. He's not afraid of risk, and he's honest in his grief. I very much hope he's not dead. I think he was a valuable voice of reason for Stannis and I greatly respect him for saving Edric Storm.
Daenerys Targaryen. I'm absolutely addicted to her arc in the novels. She's gone through so much, and she's settling into an incredible leader for a huge army who's bound to save the world. I can't wait to see her do it. She has her tragedies and her failures but that's what makes her all the more interesting. She's incredibly powerful, yet human, and still young in so many ways. She is already great, and only bound to become more so as the story moves on. Hopefully she will be wise in peace, as well as war. She's the mother of dragons!! *flails incomprehensibly* She's as fair as she can be, and more forgiving than many. I wish I could pledge allegiance to her and flock to her banner.
Sansa Stark. I started out hating her. I had moments when I just wanted her to go away in the first few books. When she lost Lady, I realised how much of her problems were idealism, and how much pain would be involved in losing that. She lived through horrible things, and she didn't break, or go mad, or cease to be a good person at heart. I hope she learns to respect Tyrion, because they'd be very interesting together. I'm glad she's learning that beauty outside doesn't equate to beauty inside. I admire her greatly for being so very brave in such a non-traditional way. She doesn't pick up swords, she smiles when she absolutely doesn't want to, and she fights so hard to stay alive. When she was burning her bed-linens I just wanted to hug her and promise everything would be all right, if only I could trust that it would!
2.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series? Why?
Joffrey Baratheon. I think one of the worst things in the world is a sadist. His mother indulged him, his father(s) ignored him, but that's no excuse for cruelty. It can't be entirely Cersei, Robert and Jamie's fault because Myrcella and Tommen have human emotions. I've never felt sympathy towards Joffrey, and I even celebrated a little when he died. I know I shouldn't have, but the world became a safer place without him. I can't stand cruelty without purpose. Cersei at least has her reasons for the things she does, Joffrey enjoys the pain of others and can't handle his own. I don't think I've carried such irrational hatred for a fictional character in a long time.
Gregor Clegane. What an abominable human being. He burnt his brother, murdered babies, raided villages, committed hideous atrocities. I can find no redeeming value in him. I wince at his name. I wondered if any death of his could possibly be satisfying until he was finally poisoned, even that…it almost seems to good for him. He only caused pain and destruction and glorified in it. He seems like a soulless beast, the very worst of humanity. He doesn't even have a goal. He's purposeless. Melissandre, Mirri Maz Durr; the other baddies have goals or revenge…Gregor is simply evil.
Ramsay Bolton. (Reek) I have very little tolerance for rapists, murderers and sadists. Ramsay lies, passes himself off as someone else, rape peasants, tortures people by flaying them alive…and enjoys it. I can handle death for the greater good, or honourable execution. Taking pleasure in the suffering of others is abhorrent. He starved Lady Manderly without pause, and she was no threat to him. He turned traitor on Theon, and though I don't harbour any love for Theon, even he deserved better than what he got from Ramsay Bolton. I can't wait for him to cease to be.
3.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far? Why?
Daenerys freeing the Unsullied and killing the slavers. I'm a bit of wimp when it comes to killing, but the Astapor slave leaders seemed to deserve what they got. I loved the moment because I felt like she was finally coming into her own. She needs an army, but she'll have it her way, not the way the slavers want. I was worried she was going to lose Drogon, but she turned the whole moment around in a badass way that just made me adore her. Someday she will rule the world, and it'll be a better place for it.
4. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end, and why?
Daenerys, Jon Snow and Samwell Tarly are the three heads of the dragon and take over the kingdom, bringing a long lasting peace, a death to the Others, an end to slavery, and a reprieve from cruelty. I think I need Jon for the tactics, Daenerys for her strength and kindness and Samwell for his practicality. Kingdoms need people who can talk as well as fight, and I have great respect for the skill with which Sam made Jon Lord of the Wall.
I'd like Jamie and Brianne to get together, maybe even be happy. Sansa gets something positive, Tyrion lives and gets to do helpful things for the kingdom. Arya finds a way to forgive, and maybe gets her sight back. Catelyn gets to see her children and finds peace, somehow. Bran learns to fly. I think he has the makings of a good leader, that little one. I'd like to see some peace, there's been so much suffering that I'd like to see some hope and calm in the end. Occasionally good things have to happen to good people, yes? Maybe?
Westeros gets a good, patient and wise leader in Daenerys, who finds a way to secure a suitable heir, even if she can't have children. Jon and the Night's Watch defeat the Others, with help from dragons, someone falls in love, just to appease my romantic side, and there are children. This kind of world definitely needs more children, who might grow up under happier circumstances. I need some hope in the end, and I think I'll get it. I have fingers crossed. I'm kind of a sucker for people get to be happy and have babies.
Tyrell
Date: 2011-05-02 06:34 pm (UTC)Re: Tyrell
Date: 2011-05-04 03:00 pm (UTC)GREYJOYYYY
Date: 2011-05-02 06:53 pm (UTC)Anyway, I think you're a Martell . You're too adventurous to be a Stark, but too nurturing to be a Greyjoy. Martells have honor too, but they also value things like good food, travel and knowledge. :)
Stark
Date: 2011-05-02 07:04 pm (UTC)Targaryen
Date: 2011-05-02 08:38 pm (UTC)Stark
Date: 2011-05-02 09:15 pm (UTC)Tully
Date: 2011-05-02 09:17 pm (UTC)For the same reason, I don't think Targaryen fits... there's a reckless abandon that I associate with them that just doesn't come across in your app. In the opposite direction, though, I don't think there's as much of a stand-offishness that I associate with the Starks. You're very moderate in a lot of things. You are practical, yet playful, and prefer to "go with the flow"... you are a natural mediator and very nurturing, but you're slow to trust and have a fear of rejection.
You have a strong bond with your family, and want a large family for yourself, but they aren't the primary thing on your mind at the moment. Education, Communication, and Community seem very important to you. In a lot of ways, I think you'd fit in with the Tullys well, but there's something there that just makes me shy away from that, and to me, it all adds up to Tyrell for some reason.
Stark
Date: 2011-05-02 10:55 pm (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-02 11:52 pm (UTC)Targaryen
Date: 2011-05-03 12:05 am (UTC)But then your answers started getting an echo from the inside of my head and I had to breathe a bit to not type this comment in all caps. Friendship/Pleasure, need for new stimuli, self-hate, irritability, need for trust but a long road there, favourite characters (DAVOS ♥ I HOPE HE'S ALIVE TOO) - just everything; maybe I'm biased (I most probably am), but you need to come to house Targaryen.
I'm going to go work some magic now.no subject
Date: 2011-05-03 12:11 am (UTC)Tyrell
Date: 2011-05-03 02:07 am (UTC)Stark
Date: 2011-05-03 03:04 am (UTC)Could see either Martell or Stark. But your strength and resoluteness along with you stating that you can't abide cruelty without purpose firmly puts you in with the Starks
tyrell
Date: 2011-05-03 04:11 am (UTC)Tyrell
Date: 2011-05-03 04:46 am (UTC)But of the houses available, I saw a number of things that pointed towards Martell (love of travel, the way you think about education -- not the climate, though), Targaryen (of the Maester Aemon variety), but ultimately I think Stark fits you best.
Stark
Date: 2011-05-03 05:47 am (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-03 10:01 am (UTC)Greyjoy
Date: 2011-05-03 03:40 pm (UTC)(Hi, fellow Davos fan <3)
Targaryen
Date: 2011-05-03 03:53 pm (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-03 05:07 pm (UTC)Martell
Date: 2011-05-03 05:25 pm (UTC)Unsorted
Date: 2011-05-03 09:02 pm (UTC)LANNISTER
Date: 2011-05-03 11:55 pm (UTC)Targaryen
Date: 2011-05-04 12:22 am (UTC)(Yay for being a fellow Davos and Sansa fan!)
Stark
Date: 2011-05-04 12:24 am (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-04 12:42 am (UTC)Tully
Date: 2011-05-04 12:54 am (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-04 02:57 am (UTC)That said, I think Stark is the best choice for you otherwise.
Lannister
Date: 2011-05-04 07:14 am (UTC)Targaryen
Date: 2011-05-04 01:49 pm (UTC)Tully
Date: 2011-05-04 02:37 pm (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-04 04:13 pm (UTC)Targaryen
Date: 2011-05-04 05:57 pm (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-05 02:22 am (UTC)Stark
Date: 2011-05-05 04:44 am (UTC)Tyrell
Date: 2011-05-05 10:24 am (UTC)Stark
Date: 2011-05-05 10:33 am (UTC)Greyjoy
Date: 2011-05-05 08:52 pm (UTC)Lannister
Date: 2011-05-05 09:57 pm (UTC)Martell
Date: 2011-05-06 01:37 am (UTC)Stark
Date: 2011-05-06 02:01 am (UTC)Martell
Date: 2011-05-07 01:32 am (UTC)SORTED: STARK
Date: 2011-05-07 02:12 pm (UTC)You may join
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